This was the flip…
This diagnosis anniversary that flipped our years.
My son has now had diabetes longer than not. My son was diagnosed at age 4. Four glorious, shot-free, no-carb-counting, who-cares-what-my-baby’s-sugar-is years.
Fours years of tired just meaning tired. Four years of letting my baby sleep for as long as he liked. Four years of hungry just meaning hungry and whiny was just the sign of the age. Four years of tantrums…just because he was acting his age. Four years of ‘sure you can watch my son’ when I run to the store. Four years of ‘let’s all sleep late today.’
Four years without the big D.
This anniversary marked 5 years with D. Five years of counting carbs. Five years of shots and pump changes. Five years of weighing breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Five years of checking blood sugar over 10 times a day. Five years of feeling that empty pit in my stomach when my son falls asleep in the back seat on a long drive. Five years of feeling sheer terror when my son sleeps too late in the morning. Five years of screaming, “ARE YOU OKAY!?” when my son doesn’t answer when I call his name. Five years of dreading each school year. Five years of sleepless nights. Five years of crunching blood glucose numbers. Five years of interrupting my son’s life with blood glucose checks or to readjust his pump. Five years of searching for other moms that get me. Five years of watching my son deal with highs, lows and in-betweens. Five years is 1,825 days too long to live with a disease that no one should have to live with, especially a child.
Five years of realizing my son is my hero. Five years of learning my son is the strongest little boy in the world. Five years of seeing my son handle more and more nonsense with regards to his diabetes. Five years of witnessing the patience my son has with a disease he never asked for. Five years of watching my son be just a kid despite living with a disease that could rob him of his eyesight, or make him lose a limb, or take him while he sleeps.
Five. Years. Too. Long.
Nine years of knowing my son is 1/2 of my heart and soul and I would be nothing without him.